Best Postmodern Patisserie
Getting married? At Citizen Cake, a gorgeous patisserie with a sunny courtyard located around the corner from Rainbow Grocery, the talented bakers will build the cake of your dreams. Otherwise, just step up to the glass display cases, where a salivatory selection of gateaux, cookies, tarts, and breads, all fresh from the big oven nearby, are arrayed. Even if nothing at all got baked here, the space would be worth the ogle; it's high-ceilinged and skylighted, with plenty of gleaming stainless steel and warm wood work surfaces. And if the courtyard lacks that frisson of romance, it's also sheltered and, in sunny weather, pleasantly warm -- a lovely place to enjoy one of Citizen Cake's lovingly prepared pizzas, sandwiches, or pastries. 82 14th St., S.F. (415) 861-2228. <
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Best Noodle Bar
Noodle bars are the latest restaurant trend to run amok, and as with all food trends, there's more chaff than wheat. The Castro's Tin-Pan is startlingly expensive, while Pomelo (near UCSF) needs to work out some basic menu issues. But Nirvana, in the heart of the heart of queer country, has already found its comfortable stride. The pan-Asian menu tilts toward Burmese (an underrepresented cuisine in the Bay Area), the preparations are mostly polished, and the prices are reasonable. Bonus: the wait staff are sexy. Who needs dessert (forgettable here anyway) when you can enjoy a great erotic fantasy about your server? No charge! 544 Castro, S.F. (415) 861-2226. <
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Best Tarte Tatin
Zuni, Piaf's, Alfred Schilling, Carta -- central Market is arguably the nexus of fine dining. But we're reluctantly pointing out the best-kept secret on the street, the glorious French cuisine of Bistro Clovis. Tucked a little off the main Market drag, Clovis is elegant and sunny with a gorgeous bar and traditional French bistro signs explaining the daily specials. You'll hardly ever have to wait for a table. The menu offers excellently prepared baby vegetables and animals and a regular sample of regional wines -- but diners should always save room for dessert, for the tarte Tatin is perhaps the best you can get outside of Gaul. Imagine a simple crust and melt-in-your-mouth glazed apples, slathered in crème fraîche. So simple, and yet many lesser operations somehow screw it up. But not at Bistro Clovis. Clovis, for all of its haute cuisine, is not screamingly expensive. And may we suggest this method of getting away with murder? Come for lunch with a friend, order two bowls of the onion soup -- a meal in itself -- and share the tarte for dessert, all for a $20 bill. Bistro Clovis, 1596 Market, S.F. (415) 864-0231.
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Best Bed and Breakfast with neither Bed nor Breakfast
A comfy bed and a yummy breakfast are but two elements of the B&B experience -- and not even the most important. Atmosphere counts even more. It should be cozy, charming, and as quaint as possible. And this atmosphere is what you'll find in spades at Lovejoy's Antiques & Tea Room in Noe Valley. As you can probably guess from its name, it offers neither a place to lay your head nor a morning meal. But it serves a killer high tea, and the place looks like it came straight out of a Beatrix Potter book. They just don't come any quainter. As you sip on your tea and munch on crustless little sandwiches and scones, it's easy to imagine you're actually at a B&B in some small village in England's Lake District -- at least until a J-car rumbles by. 1195 Church, S.F. (415) 648 5895.
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Best-Smelling Fish Market
If there's one thing you don't want to smell in a fish market, it's the fish. That distinctive odor means one of two things: less than fresh stock and/or poor sanitation. Neither is desirable in a fishmonger. Fortunately, you won't get the least piscatory whiff at Swan Oyster Depot. The scent of Swan is as fresh as the fish, and although the normally affable staff frowns on this, you could probably eat off the floor. You can ponder your selection over a half dozen oysters or a crab salad at Swan's legendary oyster bar. And when you do make your selection, make sure to ask the counter folks for their preparation tips, too. The staff at Swan knows exactly what to do with their stock. 1517 Polk, S.F. (415) 673-1101.
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Best Russian Home Cooking for $5
The Russians are coming -- and they've brought borscht! There are many fine eastern European restaurants in the city catering to the burgeoning Slavic population. Most are in the Richmond District and cost beaucoup bucks once the spirits start to flow. But if you can forgo the booze, you'll be pleased to learn of this recent discovery, which brings the best of everyday Russian meals to people east of Twin Peaks and is one of the best food deals around. On Fridays and Saturdays (excepting some U.S. and Russian holidays), from 3 to 11 p.m., the St. Nicholas Russian Orthodox Church serves prix fixe dinners for the saintly sum of $5. Besides the expected soups, the many-coursed meals include vareniki and pelmeni (little dumplings containing cheese or meat), piroshki, salads with marinated vegetables, compote, lots of tasty tea, and other savories. There's plenty for everyone, all eaten under portraits of holies like the Patriarch Alexei. 2005 15th St., S.F. (415) 621-1849.
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Best Fish Breakfast Barbecue
At Oakland's Early Bird Soul Food restaurant the sign says Fish Breakfast Barbecue -- Order to Go. If you think that's just four different things they do, think again. Manager Andrea McCants says a lot of customers start their day with BBQ -- "It's like having links with your eggs." The eggs with fish ($5.50) isn't barbecued, but it's a great way to welcome the morning: three eggs your way, toast, a hefty bowl of grits, and a dozen big chunks of perfect red snapper, flaky and barely breaded. The combination is superb -- tasty, reasonably healthy, and not greasy or heavy like so much retro-hip diner food. So believe the sign and check it out. Or come back at lunch or dinnertime for barbecue, chitterlings, greens, four kinds of fish, and other soul food delicacies. It won't be as novel, but it's still excellent. Easy parking, too. 906 Stanford, Oakl. (510) 594-1282.
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Best Brunch Without a Line
The food's good, the menu selection is perfectly adequate, and at 11 a.m. on a Saturday you can always find a table on the sheltered patio. What more could a hungover San Franciscan, besieged by the hordes of twentysomethings clustered outside every brunch joint west of Twin Peaks, want? Josie's Cabaret and Juice Joint is jumping at night, but on weekend mornings the longest you'll wait to order at the counter is five minutes; pancakes, eggs, and a damn good tofu scramble make their way to your table not long afterward. Nearly all the food can be ordered vegan, and you get a really cute table card that shows the waiters where to bring the enormous portions. Since there isn't table service, you do have to trek back up to the counter for more coffee -- a small price to pay to eat cheap delicious food while everyone else is shivering outside the other places, their blood sugar dropping precipitously. 3583 16th St., S.F. (415) 861-7933.
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Best Place for Late-Night Indian Snacks
Somehow, when you're hungry late at night, smoothies and salads just don't cut it. It just seems like the later it gets, the more your body craves food that has some, well, substance to it. At the Tenderloin's Taj Mahal, you can get spicy, savory Indian snacks and breads (try the delish aloo paratha bread, stuffed with potatoes and fresh cilantro, or the wonderful samosas), as well as tandoori, curries, and other Indian/Pakistani entrées, until midnight every day of the week. The atmosphere's nothing to write home about, but the prices are: two people can eat a full meal here for less than $12. Easy. 398 Eddy, S.F. (415) 922-9055.
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Best Evocation of a Real Italian Restaurant
It is possible, sitting in the warm umber cocoon of Ristorante Umbria, to believe that you've actually returned to Italy -- to, say, the unassuming trattoria you found one evening as you dodged Vespas on the narrow, winding lanes behind the Duomo in Florence. There the pasta was fresh, the wine cheap and plentiful, the owner smilingly vigilant. Here too. Umbria doesn't try to be an Italian restaurant. It is one. It just happens to be in San Francisco. The rustic wooden tables, the soft light, the fairly priced menu of standards perfected through centuries of preparation -- these are the details that add up to more than their sum. Buon appetito! 198 Second St., S.F. (415) 546-6985.
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Best Chocolate Cake
Are you a chocoholic looking for a new fix? One that surprises while it indulges? Try a piece of Guinness Chocolate Cake at El Bobo, the best bar and restaurant you haven't heard of yet. This is a perfect, semisweet, dark, moist, rich, airy treat of a cake -- not just some over-frosted slab of mud. Made with the king of Irish stouts as a key ingredient, served with whipped cream and fresh berries, this is the kind of dessert that is memorable for its unique twist on a tried and true theme. It goes down just as well with a pint of beer as it does with a glass of milk. 1539 Folsom, S.F. (415) 861-6822.
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Best Nonsexual Orgy
Kate's Kitchen's French Toast Orgy is unstoppable: six wedges of thick, fluffy, orange-spiced eggy bread, a generous pile of seasonal fresh fruit, granola, honey, and ladles of yogurt add up to one big lip-smacking mess and one of the best reasons to get out of bed on the weekends. The consistent crowd pleaser is one of the reasons why a line gathers on Lower Haight each week, patiently waiting for the breakfasts cranked out by the tiny, friendly kitchen. Other reasons are the fresh-squeezed orange juice, the homestyle red beans and rice, or the cheese-and-green-onion biscuits, but for true aorta-clogging goodness the Orgy is the way to go. 471 Haight, S.F. (415) 626-3984.
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Best Place to Catch Up on the French Cabinet Minister's Sex Scandal
The groovy Hotel Triton, at the garish gates of Chinatown, is filled with so much curvy, curlicued furniture it seems like it fell out of a Dr. Seuss book. The café that adjoins it, however, is a no-nonsense haven for both news junkies and caffeine addicts. At Café de la Presse you can always find copies of Paris Match, Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, and, if you dig around hard enough, the San Jose Mercury News. Under Cinzano umbrellas you can squint your eyes and pretend you're anywhere but here, a stone's throw from the Goethe-Institut, the Beijing Trading Company, and Frenchified Le Central. One of the best things about de la Presse is their long hours, from 7 a.m. till 11:30 p.m. every day of the week. Café culture, they say, is on the decline in France, but it's perfectly healthy around here. 352 Grant, S.F. (415) 398-2680.
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Best Pizzas, Green Salads, and Gyros in One Place
The Greco-Romana Pizza Cafe is a charming and funky neighborhood place -- if the Outer Richmond happens to be your neighborhood. If not, they deliver. The menu explores two separate food styles -- excellent, innovative pizzas with a wonderfully light crust and a choice of pastas that would be the pride of any Italian restaurant; and then, ah, then there are the Greek specialties. Tzazike (a white bean spread) with house-made pita bread is smooth and garlicky; the traditional Greek combination of cucumber, tomatoes, and feta cheese makes a great salad. But the gyros -- chicken or lamb rolled into one of those soft, thick pitas with tomatoes, onions, and tzazike -- are what we come back for again and again. 2448 Clement, S.F. (415) 387-0626
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Best Restaurant Memorabilia
Judging by the photographs in its lobby gallery, The Empress of China Restaurant was the San Francisco spot for Hollywood jet-setters, government officials, and other random dignitaries for decades. Sammy Davis Jr. shares a meal with Peter Lawford in one Rat Pack pic. Other snapshots capture diners Lana Turner, Jack Palance, Mr. and Mrs. Walt Disney, and Karl Malden fresh from the streets of S.F. The juxtaposition of celebrities, some all but forgotten, rivals the Love Boat for randomness. Erik Estrada is here, as is Engelbert Humperdinck. But it seems that in the '90s our taste in public figures has slipped a notch. More recent photos include Judge Lance Ito, Ariana Huffington, and former mayor Frank Jordan. But this motley collection is elevated a bit by the photo of "International Action Star Jackie Chan." Gracing the doorway is an eerie photo of a veep-era George Bush; in case you were wondering, "Manager Jimmy Wong served Crispy Chicken and Butterfly Prawns for His Pleasure." 838 Grant, S.F. (415) 434-1345.
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Best Place to Feed a Partner You've Just Forced to Go Shopping with You
One of the ways you find out how clueless you are about your partner, and your partner about you, is when your honey is bringing clothes to your dressing room. When you receive over the top of the door a shirt identical to the one your dad wore last Christmas, you gotta wonder, what's the motivation? The two of you walk out the door of Macy's looking at each other weird. You need food and beer. Head to the Irish Bank, in Mark Lane, an alley between Grant and Kearny off Bush, and get a table or barstools in the dark, wood-paneled barroom. Order up an Irish breakfast or some traditional bar food, such as fish and chips, a bar burger, or an outstanding smoked trout and smoked salmon appetizer. Drink a Guinness while you try to lose the image of your sweetie trying on that green sweater just like your doctor wears. The Irish Bank is a fine antidote to the gloss of Union Square, a cozy and friendly place when the low afternoon sun filters down the alley. Lunch on Sundays is served until 5 p.m. 10 Mark Lane, S.F. (415) 788-7152.
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Best Jekyll-and-Hyde Performance by a Restaurant
By day, Dexter's Diner is a mild-mannered eatery in the Lower Haight, a fairly ordinary storefront fitted with comfortably nondescript tables, a long counter, and a rack of newspapers and magazines. The food is competently all-American: omelettes, meat loaf, fish and chips, in the substantial portions widely regarded as a birthright in this country. But when the sun sets, Dexter's dons its Senegalese drag and becomes Teranga. Wood carvings appear on the wall, the tables are set with colorful African cloths, the music hops up, and so does the food. If you want to taste the west African roots of Cajun cooking, almost anything on Teranga's menu will do, from the Gorée Island meat pies to the grilled flank steak to the Senegalese national dish, a plate full of crisped fish and red rice. Spice rules! 525 Haight, S.F. (415) 864-3721.
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Best Fast-Food Hamburger for Road Trips Outside of S.F.
Though San Franciscans love to travel, when we leave our beloved, gastronomically advanced community we often suffer due to our picky palates. The risky dice-rolling of roadside cuisine is almost always a losing gamble, particularly when Ronald and the King are wrestling for $1.49. However, there is a way to eat like royalty and scrimp like a pauper to feed your gullet on road trips. At In-N-Out Burger, the food is fresh and delicious. And like all good restaurants of note, it features a simple menu of perfected house specialties: a hamburger, a cheeseburger, the DoubleDouble (a double cheeseburger), fries, and shakes. Period. Microwaves don't exist. Real ice cream, fresh potatoes, and four-star beef set their food apart. To call In-N-Out fast food would be an insult. Think of it as accelerated dining. Heading south on 101 will bring you to their locations in San Jose, Milpitis, Sunnyvale, or Mountain View, and if you're driving east on 80 you should plan to lunch in Pinole. Where 580 meets 680 there are two opportunities to stop for a bite, in either San Ramon or Pleasanton. In-N-Out Information Line, 1-800-786-1000.
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Best Tiramisu in North Beach
Panna cotta and its French cousin pot de crème may be the desserts of the moment, but tiramisu is timeless. Born in the northeastern Italian town of Treviso, the luscious dessert, whose name means "pick-me-up," thrives at the sidewalk cafés of North Beach. Among those lining Columbus Avenue, unassuming Caffe Puccini serves the best, most decadent tiramisu. While others charge $3.75 for a square that alternates between layers of dry cake and what tastes like whipped cream, the folks at Puccini charge $3.50 for the king of tiramisus. Puccini has mastered the dessert: first of all, by using real mascarpone and second, by making a tiramisu that's almost all mascarpone. A perfect smidgen of espresso-soaked cake is wholly surrounded by the sweet and creamy cheese (think of a Ding Dong in reverse) and served in a bowl. For maximum enjoyment, get it to go and let it warm to room temperature before devouring, preferably while sitting in Washington Square Park, eyeing the pigeons and the church, and dreaming of balmy northern Italy. 411 Columbus, S.F. (415) 989-7033.
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Best Old San Francisco-Style Neighborhood Fish Joint
There's absolutely nothing retro about Joe's Fish Grotto -- this is the real thing. Walk through the front door and you'll swear you've stepped through a time warp and straight into the 1950s -- or maybe 1946, the year Joe Clima opened this homey restaurant on outer Mission near Excelsior. Now his sons Frank and Joe Jr. run the place, but Joe's remains a tiny oasis of the old San Francisco even as the rest of the city has changed around it. The restaurant serves tasty versions of the old fish joint classics, like sand dabs, salmon, and cioppino. In fact, you can get fish every which way -- grilled, broiled, fried, sautéed -- and you know it'll be fresh, because Joe Jr. goes to the fish market first thing every morning. Most of the customers are regulars (as Frank says, "We don't get many tourists out here") from all over the city and the northern peninsula, who keep coming back not only for the food but also for the warm, friendly atmosphere. 4435 Mission, S.F. (415) 585-2024 or (415) 239-9459.
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Best Lunch Deal
It's tough to get much of anything resembling a hearty lunch near the Financial District these days for less than $5, and if you throw in a beer, and you're sitting at a table in a decent, friendly place, you're pushing $10 pretty quick. Not at the Maritime Bar and Grill, where it's still possible, in San Francisco, in 1998, to get a double cheeseburger on a big sourdough roll -- and a bottle of Budweiser -- for all of $3. The special deal is available weekdays from 11 a.m. to 3 p.m. If you want another beer, it's only a buck more. The service is cafeteria style. The seating is on sofas at little coffee tables, or you can take your burger over to the adjoining bar, which is dark, quiet, and decorated with spectacular 1950s waterfront paintings. The food is hot and greasy. If you don't like cheeseburgers, there are garden burgers, fish and chips, and a few other delicacies, all for less than $5. And there's plenty of parking. 450 Harrison, S.F. (415) 512-7838.
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Best Take-out Kung Pao
You can never tell what you'll get when you gamble on ordering kung pao from one of those doorstep-delivery menus. Unless you order from Andy's Restaurant, that is. Andy and Tracy Lee do kung pao chicken perfectly every time. Never watered down by weak black-beany gravies or mysterious vegetables you don't remember from last time, Andy's ever-tender chicken, scallions, and fresh red chilies combine for a simple masterpiece. Best of all, Andy treats his kung pao's peanuts with respect. They're richly browned and well incorporated in the dish, not the anemic afterthoughts of lesser kung paos. If kung pao meat isn't your style, Andy's also has daily specials and an extensive veggie menu. And Andy will cook your meals using the "dry pan" method (without oil) if you want. Eat in, take out, or get delivery from Ocean Beach to Twin Peaks. 1358 Ninth Ave., S.F. (415) 661-1803.
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Best Cheap Eats Not Yet Written about by Dan Leone
A couple few weeks ago I was walking down Mission with my ladyfriendperson Crayfish de la Coltrane and the Frenchie, Jacques Bon du Jour -- and lemme tell you, Mission is one looooong street. I know, because the trio of us started down at Yerba Buena Gardens on Third, and I said, "That Dan Leone guy at the Guardian sure is funny." "An absolute riot," said Crayfish. "Oui." So then we started talking about other stuff, and I guess we must've been talking instead of paying attention to where we were going, because suddenly Crayfish pointed ahead of us and said, "Hey, isn't that the Top of the Hill in Daly City?" So that's how I know Mission is a long street, 'cause we walked almost the whole S.F. length of it only to find ourselves in the outer Excelsior at about 3 p.m. in the afternoon, which we realized just seconds before the hunger pangs hit so hard we nearly got dizzy. At least I did, anyway, but that's how I was able to spot a sign that said "$4.99" when the world spun it into view. Also on the sign it said Half-chicken, Baked potato, Garlic bread, and Salad. "Whoa, what a coincidence," I said, "because weren't we just talking about Dan Leone back there? And now here's a place with a deal just like he'd write about. Except he didn't." Meanwhile while I'm talking, Crayfish and Jacques Bon du Jour are already inside and ordering. Where we were was the Geneva Steak House, fine purveyor of N.Y. steaks, club steaks, pollo sandwiches, burgers, shish kebabs, and maybe one or two more things besides soft drinks, Corona, and Sanka. And of course the above-named special half-chicken combo, which was covered with tasty BBQ sauce, the chicken portion anyway, and was pleasantly brought to our seats by the guy who cooked it. Inside was a comfortable family restaurant type place, with padded red vinyl booths, more like a Round Table Pizza parlor than those Health-Dept.-violations-in-waiting that Leone seems to frequent. With Tiffany lamps even, and fake roses in real vases next to the salt and pepper and Heinz ketchup, which were also real. And even a TV up on a wall, so I didn't have to miss The Adventures of Sinbad. 5130 Mission, S.F. (415) 586-6685.
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Best Crème Caramel
Most crème caramels in this city, even at places that charge $8 for them, are pathetic. All the fancily flavored custards in the world cannot redeem runny caramel. One of the pleasures of crème caramel, after all, is heavy, viscous caramel that you can actually get onto your spoon. That's the stuff you find at Chez Jenny, but Chez Jenny is, inconveniently, in France. The much more convenient Alamo Square Seafood Grill has a version that doesn't quite match Chez Jenny's, but it's pretty close -- the caramel actually clings to the spoon, making it possible to eat with some dignity -- and at $2.75 it's a steal. 803 Fillmore, S.F. (415) 440-2828.
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Best Neighborhood Co-Op Bakery with Piano
After walking around Lake Merritt or meeting friends for lunch, stop at Arizmendi, the perfect spot for chatting or reading. A neighborhood co-op still in its first year of operation, Arizmendi daily bakes such yummy fare as cherry cornmeal scones, brioche, focaccia, sourdough breads, and vegetarian pizzas, as well as serving a variety of coffees and teas. But the real draw is the piano in the corner, where patrons tickle the ivories with Gershwin, Bach, show tunes, or their own special creations -- go prepared to hear anything. "The acoustics in this large room are great, and usually the audience is pretty forgiving, too," says Emon Usher, a local resident and aspiring pianist who can sometimes be found playing a tune or two at Arizmendi. 3265 Lakeshore, Oakl. (510) 268-8849.
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Best Mashed Potato
Although 301, the overelaborate sake bar and fusion café that adjoins the mammoth Elroy's, has its faults, we have to give chef Tim Hartog's kitchen credit for one simple, sparkling innovation: the spiking of mashed potatoes with wasabi, the fiery green Japanese horseradish. Unlike truffle oil or roasted garlic, whose pale aromas can get lost in the puffy whiteness of the potatoes, wasabi achieves a true symbiosis with the spud -- sharp heat and mild creaminess in perfect balance. It doesn't hurt that the potatoes accompany one of the more straightforward preparations on the menu: a beef fillet in a spicy soy-sesame sauce. 301 Folsom, S.F. (415) 882-1863.
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Best Raw Deal
This time PJ's Oyster Bed gets the prize for appealing to the bargain-minded mollusk slurper. Every Monday night PJ's signature item goes on sale -- half shells at half price. The special price applies to the oyster of the day, say, Blue Points, Virginicas, or what have you. They wind up being a great deal at around $7.50 a dozen. It's about what you pay for them in New Orleans, that jazzy town whence PJ's draws much of its inspiration. Voodoo Beers for $3.25 and a plate of oysters and you feel like you're in the Big Easy for under $20. 737 Irving, S.F. (415) 566-7775.
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Best Vegan Rendition of a Dairy-Rich Original
Some vegan cooking comes naturally: curried lentils, for instance, or a simple focaccia topped with tomatoes, olives, and basil. The hard part is trying to reproduce or substitute for essentials made up of dairy or other animal products. Pat Conlon, chef and owner of Joubert's, hasn't got all the answers, but he's got a few. He likes to serve asparagus with aioli -- the fabled garlic mayonnaise of the south of France -- except that aioli contains raw egg, a vegan no-no. So, to add the requisite creaminess, Conlon substitutes bechamel. That too would be a no-no, possibly a worse one, because classic bechamel contains both butter and milk. But the wily Conlon omits the butter and uses soy milk, thereby killing two birds with one stone. As it were. 4115 Judah, S.F. (415) 753-5448.
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Best Variety of Bagels
The choice of bagels has never been more confusing. You can get supermarket bagels, bakery bagels, gourmet bagels, or just plain bagels from your mom-and-pop bagel shop. Then there is the choice between bagels that are steamed or boiled before baking. Everybody has an opinion, but one thing is for sure: people buy a hell of a lot of bagels -- about $2.6 billion worth of them in a year. Debates about quality cannot be solved in this millennium, but the award for bagel store with the widest choice of savory circular creations goes to Posh Bagel, with locations in San Francisco and Oakland. Its 23 steamed varieties include all your favorites, plus slightly more expensive gourmet selections like banana nut, pesto, apple cinnamon, cranberry orange, and marinara. 3933 24th St., S.F. (415) 643-9634; 4037 Piedmont, Oakl. (510) 597-0381.
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Best Late-Night Food Strip
North Beach revelers are in luck when it comes to late-night noshing, with Italian cafés and coffeehouses lining both sides of Columbus and staying open until midnight or later all week long. But by far the sweetest strip of wee hour yummies is all but unknown to the yuppified bar crowd: Broadway between Columbus and Powell. The most perennially popular place on the block is the pink-and-green splendor of Yuet Lee, which serves up steaming plates of decent Cantonese food for just a few bucks. An even better bet is the ridiculously inexpensive Vietnamese dive two doors down, My Canh. A steady parade of satisfied customers belies the minimal decor and small space, happily scarfing down voluminous servings of pho and rice plates. Less popular but still good is Vietnam Restaurant, purveyor of Saigon soul food and big bowls of pho for $4 a pop. Each restaurant is open until 3 a.m., late enough to merit a run after bar time, and Asian food is way kinder to an alcohol-addled stomach than a burrito dripping with cheese and sour cream. Yuet Lee, 1300 Stockton, S.F. (415) 982-6020; My Canh, 626 Broadway, S.F. (415) 397-8888; Vietnam Restaurant, 620 Broadway, S.F. (415) 788-7034.
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Best Diner Personality
While serving up burgers and milkshakes in the retro environment of the It's Tops Coffee Shop, the gal who calls herself 'Sugar' turns herself into the living embodiment of the archetypal sweetheart of the soda shoppe. Her subtle performance is miles away from the heavy-handed role-playing shtick you may have been subjected to at one of those high-concept theme restaurants or bars. Sugar makes you believe her waitress-with-a-heart-of-gold is the real thing. Watch the effect she has on the guys who sit at the counter stools -- she'll often have the whole line of them snake-charmed into a state of hypnosis. 1801 Market, S.F. (415) 864-9352.
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Best Fast-Food, Store-Bought Gourmet Food
You're standing at the refrigerated section of the nearest health food store, and you've got $5 in your pocket and a half hour until you have to be back at work. It might be tempting to grab some of Youssef's hummus or baba ghanoush, but then you'd need some bread, a knife, and maybe a tomato or two to liven things up. You could choose one of the delicious vegan Indian dinners by Valentine's Cafe, a bargain at $4.99. But then you wouldn't have any cash left over for a refreshing beverage. In this case, it's Savvy Savories to the rescue. The two-year-old San Francisco-based company makes delicious salads and soups, including a light citrus spring salad with jicama, baby arugula, and a lime juice-cilantro dressing; a whole grain salad with pecans and mango vinaigrette; and winter squash and ginger soup -- each between $3 and $4. Now don't you feel better about going back to the office? Savvy Savories is available at Rainbow Grocery, Valencia Whole Foods, the Nature Stop, Mikeytom Market, and the UCSF bookstore. Call (415) 437-9225 for more information.
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Best Chocolate Chip Cookie
It's Monday and your brain has hit the inevitable postlunch lull. Need a pick-me-up? Satisfy your sweet tooth and caffeine craving at the same time with one of Specialty's superyummy chocolate chip cookies. When throwing cholesterol count and caloric intake to the wind, nothing beats this quarter-pound, heavenly confection of gooey chocolate chunks -- milk or bittersweet -- buried in rich, buttery dough. Since the cookies are baked fresh daily, your snack attack might hit just as a baker's pulling a fresh batch out of the oven. 312 Kearny, S.F.; 22 Battery, S.F.; 150 Spear, S.F.; 101 New Montgomery, S.F.; 369 Pine, S.F.; One Post Street Plaza, S.F. (415) 512-9550, ext. 1.
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Best Hidden Back Porch with Lush Greenery
It's always surprising to find a plush garden retreat in the middle of this bustling city, but the trickling fountain, plentiful tables, and seclusion among the green plants behind the San Francisco Coffee Company's Cole Valley location aim to please. If you want a date with that book you can't put down, or you have plans to read the Sunday paper cover to cover, you'll want a warm, sunny, quiet spot for a good long sit. Grab a cup of San Francisco Coffee Company's brew and find a chair. You'll be hard-pressed to find a more luxurious atmosphere. 848 Cole, S.F. (415) 242-0200.
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TOP PHOTO: LORI EANES
OTHER PHOTOS: ERIC SLOMANSON