BETH and “THE RED HOT SHAGGIN’ WAGON”
Interviewed February 2016.
Name, age, where you live:
Beth Allen (aka: Beth Loudmouth, Beth I Hear Ya Callin’, or Beth Zombie), 49, San Francisco.
What kind of van do you have?
1995 Chevy G20, The “Red Hot Shaggin’ Wagon”!
Tell us about any customizing you have done on on your van.
When I bought the van in 1999 it was a gutted out cargo van. My dad (thanks dad!) helped me frame and insulate the interior, built walls and a long bench (that opens up) across the whole side inside. My dad also built me a cool middle console where I can store stuff (it used to be full of 100s of cassette tapes, until my tape deck broke). 
I went to the carpet store and dug in dumpsters for padding. Got lots of that and put it on the floor in back. Then put red shag carpet over all the padding. I drilled up black shag carpet on the walls and ceiling... it was not easy to put up chunks of carpet upside down! Covered the middle console with shag too. You can never have to much shag carpet! I added dingleballs (a must!) and fake leopard fur to the front inside ceiling and fuzzy leopard covers on the front seats. Got it painted. It was red when I got it, so just did a better coat of red. I also have a hole in the back of the floor of the van, where a tube runs out... inside I have the tube attached to a BIG funnel, kinda looks like a beer bong. This is a makeshit pisser. It’s pretty funny to be partying in the van and have a “bathroom.” It’s broken right now, the funnel fell off the tube awhile ago. I should fix that thing!
Any future plans in the works for the van?
IF I had money I’d get a flame job on hood and sides or a cool mural — I’d love to have a big grinning grim reaper. Pin striping. But all in all, I’m happy with it the way it is now. Red Hot is perfect for camping with my dirt bike and hauling band equipment around! I am about to install a CB so that will be cool.
Have you “rocked” your van?
Heh heh. Why yes, I have!
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Any past vans you’ve owned?
My first van, “Torch,” was a 1981 Dodge. I LOVED that van. I still miss how it smelled inside... like old carpet. I painted it purple (with oil based enamel, rolled it on) and spray painted flames on the hood and sides. The front bumper had beer bottle caps siliconed on it. It was an art car kinda van. It had the cancer though — rust on the roof — and it broke down a LOT... which is what made me want a newer (rather than an older) van.
Are you in a van club?
Never been one for clubs. I’m more of a lone wolf. I like to joke that I am in my own one-woman van club. I even have a patch on the back of one of my jean vests, with a big red van on it. Most clubs seem pretty exclusive to older year vans anyway, and I’m not into that hipster hod rod scene vibe.
Do you go to vanning events?
I have only been to a couple. Time, distance and money has made it hard for me to go to more. a couple of years ago I went to a “Dazed and Confused” put on by Wheels of Confusion in So Cal. It was really fun. I am hoping to make it to some events this spring and summer.
What are your favorite places to take your van?
Camping out in the Mojave desert, south of Bakersfield. I go out there every year at Thanksgiving time for a few days of dirt biking. Load up the boyfriend, bikes and dogs. Good times!
How and when did your lust for vans begin?
Back in 1992 or so, when I got my first van I just FELL IN LOVE. I got my first van because I was in a band and wanted something to haul band equipment around in.
What do you think about the current van “scene” today?
It seems like there is more happening van-wise than there was when I started DON’T COME KNOCKIN’ back in the late 90s. I would love to go to one of Calfornia Street Van’s cruises down in Southern California. And of course one of the huge van runs back east someday! I just haven’t been able to pull it off with time off work, cost to go, etc. I really dig Customer Vanner magazine. I love how it covers all walks of vanning/vanners.
Any other van-related things you do?
I am the sweat behind DON’T COME KNOCKIN’ along with my friend Leon who I started the site with.
What other kinds of wheels do you roll?
I love wheels! I ride a Yamaha XT250 dualsport motorcycle, have a bicycle, a couple skateboards and quad rollerskates. There is an old church in SF that is now a roller rink, it’s called “The Church of 8 Wheels”, it’s totally awesome. I wish I had a dune buggy... that’s on my bucket list!
Sky’s the limit, describe your ULTIMATE wet dream van.
Jacked up rear end. Or a 4x4! Purple fat metal flake paint job, grim reaper murals on sides, flame job on hood, round porthole windows on sides, captains chairs, side pipes that shoot flames! All purple shag and black tuck and roll inside, all over. Every inch.
What are some must have tunes to crank while cruising in your van?
80s punk rock and metal, played LOUD!
Ford, Chevy or Dodge?
I like the way Chevy and Dodge vans look. Between the two I do miss the awesome driver’s seat leg room my Dodge had.
Ass, gas or grass?
Grass and cheap beer!
Plether, shag or tuck-n-roll?
Shag, then tuck and roll for sure.
Any other comments for DON’T COME KNOCKIN’?
Thanks for reading! And remember that chicks are more than just eye candy / tits in magazines posing NEXT to vans that aren’t theirs. We own and drive ’em too! Woo hoo! Rock on vanners!
